I always sit here wondering what I’m going to say, and think how words don’t do anything justice. There’s a desire to communicate things, but sometimes you feel an inability and a suffocation from language, which prevents you from starting. That said, I’ve talked through many things today and haven’t tried to absorb any of it too much. I tried really hard to emotionalise myself yesterday, and I think i succeeded, but it was the communication of that emotionalisation that stunted me; as much as this project is a form of expression, it is locked within communication. It is dictated in many ways but my idea of what happens after the expression.
I am beginning to realise the merit of the moment – even by the way my guitar sounds. I’m recording so quickly after I’ve written something that I am able to react outside of myself to my own piece. I can hear myself playing. I am beginning to realise what it is that I’m doing, but of course, I couldn’t tell you what that is, because words are futile. It’s “do-ing” that matters, not “I should have done” or “I should do”. Thoughts can only spur other thoughts, but actions can spur other actions.