Day 21

I always sit here wondering what I’m going to say, and think how words don’t do anything justice.  There’s a desire to communicate things, but sometimes you feel an inability and a suffocation from language, which prevents you from starting.  That said, I’ve talked through many things today and haven’t tried to absorb any of it too much.  I tried really hard to emotionalise myself yesterday, and I think i succeeded, but it was the communication of that emotionalisation that stunted me; as much as this project is a form of expression, it is locked within communication.  It is dictated in many ways but my idea of what happens after the expression.

I am beginning to realise the merit of the moment – even by the way my guitar sounds.  I’m recording so quickly after I’ve written something that I am able to react outside of myself to my own piece.  I can hear myself playing.  I am beginning to realise what it is that I’m doing, but of course, I couldn’t tell you what that is, because words are futile.  It’s “do-ing” that matters, not “I should have done” or “I should do”.  Thoughts can only spur other thoughts, but actions can spur other actions.

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