I always want to begin these posts with “So, ” but I never do because I want to, but I want more to go against the grain, consciously however, so I don’t. Today, I am unconscious and unabashed, this is becoming what it should be, which is real. Not caring is the key! Am I the the person or the person thinking about the person? I have been the latter – today I am the former.
I laughed in this song, because it seemed stupid, but I laughed none the less. I laughed at myself – brilliant.
“All I want to do is sit on the sofa with my other half … but I’m singing into a little grey box” – I am.
My orbit is out and I don’t know what is revolving around what – Work, love, today’s song, tomorrows song, the 18th February’s song, the 5 March’s song. This project feels like a selfish act – not matter how “admirable” or “difficult”, I am being selfish. It has been a novelty, but now it is so ingrained that it is just like making yourself a healthy breakfast and being smug, or going to the gym and telling everyone – it doesn’t matter! All that matters is that I feel good, and if I feel good then maybe other people will feel better for it and visa versa – I don’t know – I don’t know what the hell’s going on.
All I know is that I am learning about myself, where sometimes, in the day to day, I don’t. That has to be enough.
What about the music? I don’t know – is it a subject? Because I feel subjected. Music can’t be a “thing” – Things put pressure on me, music has to take it off.
I think that just about sums up any kind of day 44 – don’t you?